You Capture - The Feeling of Fall

Can you feel it?

Feel Fall over at Beth's!

Please, please, please, let me, let me, let me.....

So, I am in desperate need of some alone time. As in just me, all alone. By myself.

Is it wrong to want that? Because I kind of feel like I need it.

I tend to be a more solitary person by nature. I'd rather do something quiet and simple and solitary and small than be in a big group doing something big and loud and crazy. But what keeps me sane is time all by myself. Not, like days on end. Just a few hours every now and again. And the crazier life gets, the more I need those few hours.

Like, um, now.

July is a distant memory. I am going All. The. Time. And this year seems crazier and fuller and just more than previous year. Not that I can figure out how or why; somehow it just is.

And I need that time. That alone time. Just a few hours. Just to be quiet. And sit. Maybe read. Maybe bake. Maybe do nothing.

But the thing is, I'm kind of never alone. Work is work. And when I get home, Hubby is here. Almost always. And, yes, I love him dearly. And, yes, I love spending time with him. Just not ALL the time.

And is it horrible of me to wish, sometimes, that I were alone? That I'd like to read without having to try to tune out the television, or without Hubby trying to talk to me even though he can totally see that I'm reading?

And isn't it ironic that the times that I need it the most are the times that it is just impossible to find?

Is it just me? Am I a totally selfish person? Am I missing something?

I hope not.

And I hope I figure something out.

Soon.

Is the glass half full? Or half empty? And how does that work after I refill it? Multiple times.

So, yeah. This bag was full at the start of my lunch hour today. And now it's not.

It turns out that it doesn't matter how small of a granola receptacle you bring, or how you skew the granola to soy milk ratio; it's kind of null and void if you keep refilling it.

It was reeeeeeeally good, though.

You Capture - Happiness

This is pure, simple happiness. Chai, poppy seed muffin, book.

Visit Beth's to experience more.

Going round in circles till she's very very dizzy

So, I think that if I continue to go to my job, my head might explode. Really. I think it might. But I can't think of anything else I could do that would pay me at least an equal amount of money. (I mean, I need a livable wage after all. And I'm pretty sure "bakery assistant" doesn't pay so well.)

And I had to (finally) make a decision about whether or not I'd be attending my sister-in-law's baby shower. I really like my S-I-L and am very happy for her and her baby having ways. But... Hubby is not on the best of terms with his family. And I'm pretty sure some of them think I'm Satan (or at least one of his minions). So this was not the easiest decision. Kind of a "damned if I do, damned if I don't" thing. But I'm going with damned if I don't. Seems like a much smaller chance for a scene to be caused. It still kind of gives me a headache and stomach ache to think about it, though.

And I am so tired it's not even funny. (Although I'm not sure being tired is ever funny, but still.) I just want to crawl into bed and not get out again. And I'm actually trying to go there now, but I have to drink this dandelion tea first. (Yes, as in dandelions. That's even what the picture on the box is. It's supposed to help purge toxins from the body. And apparently I've got lots right now since at acupuncture yesterday they did some cupping, sliding cups actually, and now my back looks like someone beat me within an inch of my life. And it only does that if you've got toxins built up. So I'm trying the dandelion tea. And it tastes pretty much how you'd expect dandelion tea to taste.)

And I read the zen story yesterday about the two monks, one of whom carried an uppity woman over a puddle and she didn't even say thank you, and the other one stewed about it all day, then when he brought it up to the monk who'd carried the woman he was told "I put her down hours ago. Why are you still carrying her?" But I'm not very good at putting anything down. Ever. I'm not nearly as zen as I want to be.

Some weeks are like this, I guess.

So, I'll go to bed now. And I'll get up and try again tomorrow.

What if your whole world changed?

That was the question that started the week at work. It was meant to be a discussion starter; a way to introduce a story (a dumb story about a girl on Venus who get locked in a closet for the one hour of sunshine that comes along every seven years). The question became too real last night when the phone rang. One of those late night rings that are never ever good.

A friend's wife died. Completely unexpectedly. A friend who is my age. Who's wife was younger. And had given birth to their first child three months ago.

They're not close friends. I don't know him well. I barely knew her at all. But somehow this has rattled me deep down inside. I can't quite wrap my brain around it. Because they're my age? Because there is a little baby who will never know her mother? Because it was so unexpected? Or just because?

And I keep thinking about all of the things that don't really matter. The speed, or lack thereof, of my digestive system. The size of my thighs. How fast I may or may not run. Whether or not I'll be a mom. How overworked I feel. When I'll get the house cleaned. What I'll make for dinner. The list goes on.

But today, I get to take my tired self home and find something in the refrigerator that will pass for dinner. And I get to cook it and set it on the table. And I get to sit next to my husband and eat it. And even if we're too tired from a day filled with unimportance to talk, at least he's right there next to me.

And next to that, nothing else is really that important at all.

You Capture - Up Close

Did you seriously think I wasn't going 360 on this one? Close up on Bono singing Ultraviolet and some pre-encore lighting effects. (Okay, so it's really a close up on the great big screens because they won't let me get close to any member of U2 or the U2 organization because of the restraining orders and all. But still...)

See what everyone else got up close and personal with over at Beth's.