this one goes to eleven

i love lists, and i love jade. so here is my eleven post.




1. i have a rule that if i'm going to buy something for myself, i have to give up something that i already have. (i stole this rule from the gospel according to larry.) it gets interesting at times, and it really makes me think before i buy.

2. chiropractor gave me a stern talking-to about my poor choices in footwear and how i am doing my knees no favors. so i just did a major shoe overhaul. it was expensive, but he was totally right. i've absolutely noticed the difference. (this made it really easy to give up something to get something. especially since i had to give up all of my old navy flip flops.)

3. today i baked peanut butter honey oatmeal cookies. i've eaten five. so far.

4. i still get angry/frustrated/depressed/jealous that i can't run every day.

5. i really don't like people who do things simply for attention or bragging rights.

6. my biggest fantasy is to have my own little cafe. with best friend as my partner. we would have the most excellent cafe ever.

7. i get restless if i stay at home all day. i feel like i need to go somewhere. i've been known to go walk around the block a few times, just to get out of the house.

8. hubby goes hiking with me every sunday to make sure all the snakes/frogs/lizards are out of the path, and hopefully out of my eyesight. (i mean, he really likes hiking, too. but still...)

9. i feel most happy, most "me", when i'm running, no matter how difficult or unpleasant a run is.

10. this is shaping up into a really good concert summer.

11. i'm aways glad that i give up chocolate for lent, and i always feel a lot better when my system in not so high in sugar. but i'd still kill for some chocolate covered grahams right about now.

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jade's questions...

1. If you had to live a homesteading kind of life (i.e. planting all your own food and raising cows and chickens and pigs, etc.), how do you think you’d do?
really, i don't think i'd do too badly. even though i'm not overly fond of digging in the dirt. and, i'm sure hubby would have to be on some serious snake/frog/lizard detail then. okay, so maybe i wouldn't do so hot after all. maybe hubby would have to do all the "outside" stuff and i'd do all of the "inside" stuff.

2. How many boyfriends (or lovers!) did you have before you got married (not counting your husband)?
i always knew there were things i wanted to do and accomplish before i even considered something like a serious relationship. so for ages and ages i didn't have any interest in dating. i figured why bother when i knew i didn't want anything serious. it seemed like it wouldn't be very nice of me to waste someones time like that. so, really, hubby was the first serious relationship i had.

3. If you could drop everything and take a one-week vacation all by yourself somewhere, where would you go? What would you do?
i would go to walden pond and just walk and sit and listen and be.

4. What chore do you hate the most?
that would be all of them. hence the name "chore."

5. What do you wish more people would know or notice about you?
it's funny because i've spent most of my life trying to not be noticed. i don't like show-offs or braggers and i've tried to not be that. but lately i've kind of wished that some people knew about what i accomplished with my running (before the knee rebellion). but i even feel a little weird saying that much, so i guess i'm really just meant to be more of a wallflower.

6. Do you prefer heat or cold?
when you are cold, there are things you can do to make yourself warmer. but if you are hot, there comes a point where all you can do is be hot.

7. Red or white wine?
i still haven't found an alcohol that i like the taste of. i'll stick with water and tea and cocoa and green tea lattes, i guess.

8. What are some of your go-to, easy dishes to cook at home?
get some naan, put some butter and sour cream on it, load it up with roasted sweet potatoes, top with cheese and bake for 5 minutes. or pancakes.

9. Favorite way to unwind?
run or bake or take a book to starbucks. preferably all of the above.

10. What’s your love language? (i.e. do you communicate love through: words of affirmation, acts of service, physical touch, purchasing gifts, or quality time?) Does it match your husband’s?
i'm a mix of words and gifts, and hubby is more of a service person. this has been quite a source of conflict in the past. i think we've got it pretty well worked out now.

11. What is one skill you wish you had learned?
at one point in life, i really wanted to be a figure skater.

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(i know there are rules and some tagging is supposed to happen, but most people that i've seen or read have already done this. so.... if it looks like something you would enjoy, go for it! and you can check out jade for the rules. or just check her out anyway because she's awesome.)

we're on a break!

so, for the past week, all the talk has been of spring break plans.



people are going to florida, california, mexico, north carolina, and places and places and places. and inevitably, the people talking would look at me and say "are you going anywhere for spring break?"



no!!!!! i am not going anywhere for spring break! i am staying home! i am staying as in my home as i can possibly stay! because i am never home (unless i am sleeping), staying home for a week feels like a decadent vacation in a cute little bed and breakfast where they have all of my stuff and a hot guy who does dishes.



i am going to read books and watch movies and drink tea and cook meals. i am most looking forward to the cooking of the meals, as during a normal work week, i do not cook meals and hubby and i do not eat together. ever. i eat at work. i eat what can be heated in 5 minutes or less or eaten cold, and can be eaten in 20 minutes or less. it kinda sucks. especially since i love to cook and i love to eat and i miss hubby. so, i have a week's worth of meals planned, ingredients bought, ready to go.



it might just be the best spring break. ever.

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early morning trip to the city in the rain, but the rain cleared up when we got there

recently, a wonderful lady i know sent me an email saying that i had been so quiet lately, and it makes her worry when i'm quiet.



she made me feel cared about, but she doesn't need to worry.



i know i've been quiet, but not because i feel quiet. i've actually been feeling kind of loud.



it's just that i don't seem to have time to extend my loudness outside of myself.



it seems, these days, that every second of every day is spoken for. not necessarily in a bad way, although i do wish the parts that were most important to me did not have to be shoved into the periphery. but still.



the parts that have kept me most busy, and most outwardly quiet, are also the parts that are making me feel almost whole again. not quite fully whole. but closer than i've felt in a long, long time.



and soon enough, there will be time for me to be out loud again, too.



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okay, break's over

Recently I had reason to ponder the question "why am I still running races?"

It's a fair question. My PRs are all in the past. I guess my "best days" are, too. At least if I follow conventional wisdom. I'll never again be as fast as I once was. I can't be. My knees won't have it. It's not something that can be fixed with a surgical procedure. It's just how it is now. And for the rest of my life.

And I admit, I do (sometimes) feel that twinge when I'm at races. I used to be fast. I used to be good. And now... well.

But the thing is that was never my motivation for getting out there. I didn't show up to crush the competition, or be faster than anyone else, or "better" than anyone else. It's like the Olympic motto - Swifter, Higher, Stronger. Not swifter, higher, stronger than the other guy. Just swifter, higher, stronger.

I just love to run. I love to push myself. I love to work hard. I love to see what I am capable of doing on any given day.

But mostly, I just love to run.

"Spring training" is just starting up for me. I'm lining up my races for the year, figuring out my training plans. And it makes me giddy. Still. Even though I know there is no hope of a PR at any race I run this year.

After moving though last year very tentatively, very cautiously, and coming out the other end just fine, I'm itching to push again. I'm looking so forward to strength training again. It's been awhile and (somewhat surprising to me since I curse it to the devil when it's happening) I miss it. I'm ready to get out to the track and see what these old legs can do, what these knees are willing to do. I'm ready to hammer on the roads.

I'm ready to feel like myself again. To feel the joy that only running can bring, to fill the void that only running can fill, to feel the achievement of the work, to feel the excitement of race morning, to feel the energy of the course, to feel the happiness of crossing the finish line. And then getting back to work to do it all again. And again. And again. For the joy of it.

Because that's what it's all about. Not the clock, or the time, or the pace, or the place.

It's the joy.



Stride on.

she got them gold hot pants on again...

Prince.

Oh, Prince.

Prince came into my life through my Fashion Maven Cousin when I was just a little girl. See, Fashion Maven Cousin (FMC) was older than me. And so cool. And I wanted to be just like her. It helped that she was lots of fun and had fantastic taste in just about everything. And that she introduced me to Prince.

It was love. Instantly. How could it not be? Songs like When You Were Mine (still one of my favorites) and Sexuality practically insisted that my little 7 year old self got up and danced around the living room. Luckily, I have music-loving parents who understood the genius of Prince (and dug him, themselves), not to mention that it was plainly obvious I had no idea what he was talking about. Radio edits helped my cluelessness, along with a more simple (innocent) time. But my general lack of ability to distinguish lyrics without a printed copy helped, too. Like Darling Nikki?
According to my little brain, he met her in a hotel lobby master bedroom in a magazine. You know, like, she was reading Architectural Digest. She was into that kind of thing. And when the lights went out? Nikki started to cry. Because she was afraid of the dark. It happens to the best of us.



When I reallyreallyreallyreally wanted to see Purple Rain? Mom was on it. She stayed up to record it, off of cable, onto a VHS tape, and edited out the naughty parts. My friends were all so impressed! And that meant they could come over to my house and they could watch it too! And after we watched the non-naughty version of Purple Rain, we would go play in my playroom. The playroom where I had a poster of Prince wear the shiny purple coat, black panties, and nothing else. Yep, we had boundaries in my house. Prince in panties? Okay. Prince not in panties? Not okay.




The year that Prince was inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame was the same year that George Harrison was inducted. Tom Petty and Jeff Lynne performed some of George's songs, one of which was While My Guitar Gently Weeps. When it got to the guitar solo at the end of the song, Prince came out and played it. It was one of the most amazing moments ever. As the show was going to commercial, they showed Dhani Harrison backstage, pushing people out of the way saying "Where's Prince? I want to hug him!" And right after that Dad called and said "How cool was that?" Very, Dad. Very.



Awhile back, Best Friend asked if I would please compile a Prince CD that she would be able to play in the car when her children (my goddaughters, ages 3 and 5 at the time) were in the car with her. A tall order, but I was up to the challenge and made her a most excellent mix. Shortly after that, Best Friend called to tell me that her eldest daughter was singing in the shower. So Best Friend put her ear to the door to hear what she was singing and she heard "Baby, don't waste your time... I know what's on your mind... wouldn't be satisfied with a one night stand... and I could never take the place of your man." I remain the proud godmother.

(PS - The title of the post comes from here...)

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it's personal

I slept two hours later than a normal Tuesday.

I took my time with meditation and yoga.

I ran. In the daylight.

I watched a movie.

I made tea and read a book.

I cleared some clutter and did some laundry.

I cooked a meal and ate it, on the same day, while it was still hot.

I wore sweats. All day long.

I went nowhere and saw no one.

All because Hubby's work told him to come to a training session three hours away,

so I filled out a form at my work and marked "personal" as the reason for my absence.

(the name comes from an Aldous Huxley quote)

Like many bands that became Important to my life, The Doors were introduced to me by Dad. He liked them, you see. And thanks to his impressive (vinyl) record collection and his own love of music, at an early age I was able to move beyond the over-radioed "Light My Fire" and into far more wonderful fare, like "Alabama Song" and "Love Street." I got to unfold the record sleeve and read "The Celebration of the Lizard" and wonder what the hell was that? And I got to be kind of amazed when Dad informed me that he had, in fact, seen The Doors live in concert, and that it did, in fact, suck because Jim Morrison was so wasted he could barely stand, let alone sing. I remain impressed by this story.



There was a stretch of time in college when I had to get my run in at something like 9:00 at night, in the dark. And one night, I decided that the best cassette tape to pop into my Walkman was the Doors mix I had made (from Dad's vinyl collection). It started out fine, cruising along to "Roadhouse Blues" and such. Then at just about the point where I was furthest from home, and in the least lit area of the route, the mix took a bit of a turn. "Five to One" started to seem a little creepy. And then it got to "Not to Touch the Earth." Holy Wow. My nice easy run turned quickly into an all-out sprint to get home as fast as I possibly could, before something dark and sinister reached out and stole me. After that, I stopped listening to The Doors while running.

Around that same time, the Oliver Stone movie The Doors was released. My cousin and I excitedly went to partake. About a quarter of the way though she asked "Is this what it's like to be on drugs?" Maybe. About half way though she asked "Would this make more sense if we were on drugs?" Probably. And by the time it was over, we were both having a hard time bringing the real Jim Morrison to mind because Val Kilmer had so fully become him. I still wish Val Kilmer had been nominated for an Oscar for that. But what do they know?



Just a few weeks ago at work, all of my co-workers and I were to choose a cutesy little plastic frog to wear dangling from our i.d. cards. (It's a long story. And we only had to do it for a week.) So in looking through all of the various frog motifs, I came across one dressed as a "hippie" and flashing the two-finger peace sign. I immediately grabbed him and said "I'll take this one. Then at least if I have to wear a frog, I have a "Peace Frog" reference." My co-workers, who are mostly closer to Dad's age than my age, looked at me like I had frogs crawling out of my ears. They didn't get it. I didn't try to explain.



Sometimes, when the chips are down, I still say to myself "I am the Lizard King. I can do anything."


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