and i'm even still optimistic

it started with a green light.

chiropractor told me to go ahead and train.  really train. 

and i threw myself into it.  and i've loved every second, every mile, of it.  even the seconds that weren't so great, or the miles that weren't so speedy, or were kind of painful.  i've loved it all.  and it's been working, this working hard.  not that i've magically recovered any pre-knee speed, but i have been feeling like myself again. 

it's funny, because the schedule i've kept over the past 10 weeks has been ridiculous.  quite literally i deal with my digestive system and knees, work, eat, train, and sleep.  i don't see anyone or go anywhere or do anything.  and yet, i'm happier than i've been in a long time.  hubby even commented that i'm acting like myself again (okay, what he really said was "it's good to see you get excited over runner clothes and water bottles and stuff like that again," but in decoded hubby speak, it's the same thing.).  and he's right. 

i have been happy.  maybe even bordering on optimistic.

all things considered, this training cycle has gone so well.  chiropractor actually said the words "you're doing everything right."  those are words no one has ever said to me before.

it's been so good.

now?  with four days until the big goal? with such a good training base?  having done everything right?  now that i went and got all optimistic?

i'm in the middle of one of my digestive episodes.  i'm starting to develop a cold.  and my knee is kind of swollen.

so.

yeah.

all day today, playing on this big loop in my head, has been "what do i do now?"

turns out i know the answer.

i'll run.  i'll get up on race morning (when the predicted high is 86.  we're not even talking about that.), and i'll line up.  and when the gun is fired, i'll run.  and, just like every other race i've ever run, i'll give it all i've got to give.  i'll leave it all out on the course.  and when i come to the finish, i'll know i've done the best i can do on that day.

so this week?  i'll do everything i've planned to do.  rest. eat.  run. pack.  rest. 

and come saturday morning?

i'll run.  because that's what i do.

and no matter what, that makes me happy. 

it makes me me.

stride on.