resolutions

i want to know how to knit.
and crochet.
and sew.

i want to have enough time to call the people i want to call.
and email the people i want to email.
and see the people i want to see.
and read the blogs i love to read.
and watch movies.
and read books.

i want to not center my life around my knees.
and my digestive system.
and have to get up at stupid early o'clock.

i want to figure out a way to earn money doing what i love to do.
and not have to keep doing something that isn't what it used to be because we need the money.

i want to continue to run.
and quit feeling any sort of need to be "competitive."
and not feel bad about not feeling a need to be "competitive."
and not feel like i'm letting people down because i'm not being "competitive."

i want my hair to grow long.

i want to win the lottery.
(but just a little one, not, like, the mega-gajillions one.)

i want to abandon the worst of my vices.

i want to travel.
further than the next town over.

i want to actually, really, truly figure out how to meditate.
and maybe find a teacher.

i want to do less bustling about.
and more staying at home.

i want to accept my imperfections.
and accept the constraints of time.

i want to bake cookies.

i want to step out of my comfort zone.
maybe.
a little bit.
nothing crazy, now.

i want to actually meet people i probably should have met long ago.

i want to drink tea.
and coffee.
and cocoa.
and not be hurried about it.

i want everyone to know that i mean well.

i want everything to be okay.

i want to be okay with the fact that few of these things will actually happen.