they're floating around in my head.
words. and words. and words.
but they're stuck in my head.
and i can't figure out how to get them out.
there are things i want to say, to people i love and care about.
but i just can't get the words out.
i have emails i want and need to send. thank yous to wonderful friends who sent wonderful gifts from far away. and i want to tell them how much i love and appreciate and miss and love.
but forming the words into sentences, and the sentences into paragraphs, and the paragraphs into a letter.... i just can't seem to do it.
i sit down and stare at a blank screen. and then i get up and find something else to do, hoping the words will find a way out as i do the something else. but they don't.
there are people i would love to sit down and share a cup of tea with, and catch up on everything we've missed. but the thought of having to talk about everything we've missed is exhausting to me. i'd be happy to sip my tea and listen. but talking? i just can't seem to do it.
i've even gone so far as to become impatient and frustrated with people who want to talk to me, who want me to talk to them. people i love, see often, everyday.
i'm not sure why this is. why right now.
maybe i'm tired? maybe i'm full of stress? maybe i'm sad? maybe it's the weather or the phases of the moon or lack of good green tea at the grocery? maybe it's because other peoples' lives are far more interesting or the grass is always greener or it just seems that way?
or maybe this is just what is for right now.
maybe this is what is supposed to be right now.
and i think, if i just be patient, and silently send my love and gratitude out into the ether, and be patient some more, and give myself this time, it will all work itself out.
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4 comments:
I feel exactly the same these days. (how often do I come here and say that??)
There were two tea dates this weekend, and honestly, I didn't do much talking. I don't know if I've bored myself with myself in how much inner dialog happens? I find myself tiresome!
Listening is good... presence is good. And yup, so is patience.
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(that's me silently sending you my love and gratitude too)
Silence is okay, even good sometimes. Wishing you all the patience you desire.
I stumbled on to your blog through a phrase in the song 'Find the River' by REM and I like what I've read. On your comment here about writer's block, you really answered the problem yourself. Just by writing whatever comes to mind about any subject helps. It all depends on what your stuck on but writing from the heart and expressing your feelings in words are ways to overcome writer's block. Something that you might like to try is to take one of your favorite novels and randomly flip through it and stop at a page. Then copy that page in longhand form with a pen. (Don't type it out because writing it down stimulates your mind differently) When finished read carefully what you copied and comment about anything that comes to mind.
I hope that some of this is helpful. J
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