Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Please, please, please, let me, let me, let me.....

So, I am in desperate need of some alone time. As in just me, all alone. By myself.

Is it wrong to want that? Because I kind of feel like I need it.

I tend to be a more solitary person by nature. I'd rather do something quiet and simple and solitary and small than be in a big group doing something big and loud and crazy. But what keeps me sane is time all by myself. Not, like days on end. Just a few hours every now and again. And the crazier life gets, the more I need those few hours.

Like, um, now.

July is a distant memory. I am going All. The. Time. And this year seems crazier and fuller and just more than previous year. Not that I can figure out how or why; somehow it just is.

And I need that time. That alone time. Just a few hours. Just to be quiet. And sit. Maybe read. Maybe bake. Maybe do nothing.

But the thing is, I'm kind of never alone. Work is work. And when I get home, Hubby is here. Almost always. And, yes, I love him dearly. And, yes, I love spending time with him. Just not ALL the time.

And is it horrible of me to wish, sometimes, that I were alone? That I'd like to read without having to try to tune out the television, or without Hubby trying to talk to me even though he can totally see that I'm reading?

And isn't it ironic that the times that I need it the most are the times that it is just impossible to find?

Is it just me? Am I a totally selfish person? Am I missing something?

I hope not.

And I hope I figure something out.



Bacardi Mama said...

You are not totally selfish. We all need alone time and I know just how you feel. It seems like everytime I think I'm going to get a little time to myself, someone shows up. Hope you find that time! Love you!!

Lyndsay said...

I know what you mean. When Hubby worked at his old job, he worked at least two evenings each week, so when he was home we made sure we were doing something together. His nights at work were my nights to read, watch girlie TV, talk on the phone, have a bath... whatever I wanted.
Now he's home every evening... which is lovely... but kind of crowded. We're just getting used to the idea that even though we're both home, it's OKAY that one of us is upstairs watching TV while the other is downstairs riding the bike.... or whatever.
I hope you get your alone time. Book yourself a manicure somewhere that lets you stay all day.

Heart2Heart said...

I believe everyone needs some alone time. It helps us gain some energy and life back, especially being moms and we are always giving so much of ourselves. I just think it makes us a well rounded person. Even Jesus had alone time, so there must be a reason for it.

Love and Hugs ~ Kat

Jade @ Tasting Grace said...

I totally get what you're saying and no it is not selfish to want or NEED alone time. We all need spaces of quiet in our lives to reflect, decompress, rejuvenate, whatever.
My hubby takes motorcycle camping trips with his guy friends every now and then and I use that opportunity to get my down time to read books, watch Pride & Prejudice, do girly things or whatever. Maybe you can suggest to your hubby that he go play poker with the boys, so to speak? Or maybe you can sneak away to a bookstore for a couple of hours and just sit in the cafe (or whatever sitting space they have) and read for awhile? I do that too sometimes.
Hope you find some space for yourself!

ShowSomeLovin said...

"or without Hubby trying to talk to me even though he can totally see that I'm reading?" ... that cracked me up because i could totally play it out in my head!

Something to suggest, I do a gratitude journal every night ... just a little notebook from Micheals Mom got me, it's about 15 lines long .. and i fill it up with things that made that day uniqely special to me ... when i'm down, i pick it up, read it, and am reminded of how good life is every day!


I love you, i have faith in you, keep smiling.

InTheFastLane said...

I need alone time. I don't get it often, but i crave it. I like to do social things, but need need need to to just be.