Friday, March 30, 2012

this one goes to eleven

i love lists, and i love jade. so here is my eleven post.

1. i have a rule that if i'm going to buy something for myself, i have to give up something that i already have. (i stole this rule from the gospel according to larry.) it gets interesting at times, and it really makes me think before i buy.

2. chiropractor gave me a stern talking-to about my poor choices in footwear and how i am doing my knees no favors. so i just did a major shoe overhaul. it was expensive, but he was totally right. i've absolutely noticed the difference. (this made it really easy to give up something to get something. especially since i had to give up all of my old navy flip flops.)

3. today i baked peanut butter honey oatmeal cookies. i've eaten five. so far.

4. i still get angry/frustrated/depressed/jealous that i can't run every day.

5. i really don't like people who do things simply for attention or bragging rights.

6. my biggest fantasy is to have my own little cafe. with best friend as my partner. we would have the most excellent cafe ever.

7. i get restless if i stay at home all day. i feel like i need to go somewhere. i've been known to go walk around the block a few times, just to get out of the house.

8. hubby goes hiking with me every sunday to make sure all the snakes/frogs/lizards are out of the path, and hopefully out of my eyesight. (i mean, he really likes hiking, too. but still...)

9. i feel most happy, most "me", when i'm running, no matter how difficult or unpleasant a run is.

10. this is shaping up into a really good concert summer.

11. i'm aways glad that i give up chocolate for lent, and i always feel a lot better when my system in not so high in sugar. but i'd still kill for some chocolate covered grahams right about now.


jade's questions...

1. If you had to live a homesteading kind of life (i.e. planting all your own food and raising cows and chickens and pigs, etc.), how do you think you’d do?
really, i don't think i'd do too badly. even though i'm not overly fond of digging in the dirt. and, i'm sure hubby would have to be on some serious snake/frog/lizard detail then. okay, so maybe i wouldn't do so hot after all. maybe hubby would have to do all the "outside" stuff and i'd do all of the "inside" stuff.

2. How many boyfriends (or lovers!) did you have before you got married (not counting your husband)?
i always knew there were things i wanted to do and accomplish before i even considered something like a serious relationship. so for ages and ages i didn't have any interest in dating. i figured why bother when i knew i didn't want anything serious. it seemed like it wouldn't be very nice of me to waste someones time like that. so, really, hubby was the first serious relationship i had.

3. If you could drop everything and take a one-week vacation all by yourself somewhere, where would you go? What would you do?
i would go to walden pond and just walk and sit and listen and be.

4. What chore do you hate the most?
that would be all of them. hence the name "chore."

5. What do you wish more people would know or notice about you?
it's funny because i've spent most of my life trying to not be noticed. i don't like show-offs or braggers and i've tried to not be that. but lately i've kind of wished that some people knew about what i accomplished with my running (before the knee rebellion). but i even feel a little weird saying that much, so i guess i'm really just meant to be more of a wallflower.

6. Do you prefer heat or cold?
when you are cold, there are things you can do to make yourself warmer. but if you are hot, there comes a point where all you can do is be hot.

7. Red or white wine?
i still haven't found an alcohol that i like the taste of. i'll stick with water and tea and cocoa and green tea lattes, i guess.

8. What are some of your go-to, easy dishes to cook at home?
get some naan, put some butter and sour cream on it, load it up with roasted sweet potatoes, top with cheese and bake for 5 minutes. or pancakes.

9. Favorite way to unwind?
run or bake or take a book to starbucks. preferably all of the above.

10. What’s your love language? (i.e. do you communicate love through: words of affirmation, acts of service, physical touch, purchasing gifts, or quality time?) Does it match your husband’s?
i'm a mix of words and gifts, and hubby is more of a service person. this has been quite a source of conflict in the past. i think we've got it pretty well worked out now.

11. What is one skill you wish you had learned?
at one point in life, i really wanted to be a figure skater.

(i know there are rules and some tagging is supposed to happen, but most people that i've seen or read have already done this. so.... if it looks like something you would enjoy, go for it! and you can check out jade for the rules. or just check her out anyway because she's awesome.)

Sunday, March 25, 2012

we're on a break!

so, for the past week, all the talk has been of spring break plans.

people are going to florida, california, mexico, north carolina, and places and places and places. and inevitably, the people talking would look at me and say "are you going anywhere for spring break?"

no!!!!! i am not going anywhere for spring break! i am staying home! i am staying as in my home as i can possibly stay! because i am never home (unless i am sleeping), staying home for a week feels like a decadent vacation in a cute little bed and breakfast where they have all of my stuff and a hot guy who does dishes.

i am going to read books and watch movies and drink tea and cook meals. i am most looking forward to the cooking of the meals, as during a normal work week, i do not cook meals and hubby and i do not eat together. ever. i eat at work. i eat what can be heated in 5 minutes or less or eaten cold, and can be eaten in 20 minutes or less. it kinda sucks. especially since i love to cook and i love to eat and i miss hubby. so, i have a week's worth of meals planned, ingredients bought, ready to go.

it might just be the best spring break. ever.

you capture

Sunday, March 18, 2012

early morning trip to the city in the rain, but the rain cleared up when we got there

recently, a wonderful lady i know sent me an email saying that i had been so quiet lately, and it makes her worry when i'm quiet.

she made me feel cared about, but she doesn't need to worry.

i know i've been quiet, but not because i feel quiet. i've actually been feeling kind of loud.

it's just that i don't seem to have time to extend my loudness outside of myself.

it seems, these days, that every second of every day is spoken for. not necessarily in a bad way, although i do wish the parts that were most important to me did not have to be shoved into the periphery. but still.

the parts that have kept me most busy, and most outwardly quiet, are also the parts that are making me feel almost whole again. not quite fully whole. but closer than i've felt in a long, long time.

and soon enough, there will be time for me to be out loud again, too.

you capture

Sunday, March 4, 2012

okay, break's over

Recently I had reason to ponder the question "why am I still running races?"

It's a fair question. My PRs are all in the past. I guess my "best days" are, too. At least if I follow conventional wisdom. I'll never again be as fast as I once was. I can't be. My knees won't have it. It's not something that can be fixed with a surgical procedure. It's just how it is now. And for the rest of my life.

And I admit, I do (sometimes) feel that twinge when I'm at races. I used to be fast. I used to be good. And now... well.

But the thing is that was never my motivation for getting out there. I didn't show up to crush the competition, or be faster than anyone else, or "better" than anyone else. It's like the Olympic motto - Swifter, Higher, Stronger. Not swifter, higher, stronger than the other guy. Just swifter, higher, stronger.

I just love to run. I love to push myself. I love to work hard. I love to see what I am capable of doing on any given day.

But mostly, I just love to run.

"Spring training" is just starting up for me. I'm lining up my races for the year, figuring out my training plans. And it makes me giddy. Still. Even though I know there is no hope of a PR at any race I run this year.

After moving though last year very tentatively, very cautiously, and coming out the other end just fine, I'm itching to push again. I'm looking so forward to strength training again. It's been awhile and (somewhat surprising to me since I curse it to the devil when it's happening) I miss it. I'm ready to get out to the track and see what these old legs can do, what these knees are willing to do. I'm ready to hammer on the roads.

I'm ready to feel like myself again. To feel the joy that only running can bring, to fill the void that only running can fill, to feel the achievement of the work, to feel the excitement of race morning, to feel the energy of the course, to feel the happiness of crossing the finish line. And then getting back to work to do it all again. And again. And again. For the joy of it.

Because that's what it's all about. Not the clock, or the time, or the pace, or the place.

It's the joy.

Stride on.