so, big race was good.
better than i expected.
better than last year.
i still have the but.
as in "better than last year, but still so much slower than before."
i keep thinking at some point that will stop happening. it took a full day before i thought it, which is progress. but...
it hasn't stopped happening yet. but someday, maybe.
just before big race, i mentioned the "m word" to chiropractor. his response was "well... let's see how big race goes, and then we'll think about thinking about talking about a possible marathon at some point." that's his way of saying no, because he knows i don't like "no" very much.
although the funny thing is, i'm really okay with the absence of marathons. i mean, i'd give just about anything to still be running them, but still. i vividly remember my only post knee implosion marathon. or more accurately, i remember the minutes/hours/weeks following my only post knee implosion marathon. it was awful (huge giant massive understatement). and i really don't ever want to do that again. but still.
i'm heading into a summer that will not be filled with marathon training. and i'm not sure what to do with that.
there are 12 days left in this work year. big race part 2 falls toward the end of those three weeks. the month between part 1 and part 2 has not been easy on any front. but i'm still looking forward to part 2. i'm curious how everything will hold together, if everything will hold together. i feel like it will be good for me. push me. test me.
and i think that's what i'm really looking for, wanting, needing now.
a good push.
i've got a summer to figure it out.