post script

so, big race was good.

better than i expected.

better than last year.

but.

i still have the but.

as in "better than last year, but still so much slower than before."

i keep thinking at some point that will stop happening.  it took  a full day before i thought it, which is progress.  but...

it hasn't stopped happening yet.  but someday,  maybe.

just before big race, i mentioned the "m word" to chiropractor.  his response was "well... let's see how big race goes, and then we'll think about thinking about talking about a possible marathon at some point."  that's his way of saying no, because he knows i don't like  "no" very much. 

although the funny thing is, i'm really okay with the absence of marathons.  i mean, i'd give just about anything to still be running them, but still.  i vividly remember my only post knee implosion marathon.  or more accurately, i remember the minutes/hours/weeks following my only post knee implosion marathon.  it was awful (huge giant massive understatement).  and i really don't ever want to do that again.  but still.

i'm heading into a summer that will not be filled with marathon training.  and i'm not sure what to do with that.

there are 12 days left in this work year.  big race part 2 falls toward the end of those three weeks.  the month between part 1 and part 2 has not been easy on any front.  but i'm still looking forward to part 2.  i'm curious how everything will hold together, if everything will hold together.  i feel like it will be good for me. push me.  test me.

and i think that's what i'm really looking for, wanting, needing now. 

a good push.

a test.

i've got a summer to figure it out.


stride on.