Sunday, October 3, 2010

now it's out there

Last night I said something that wasn't very nice. It might have even been mean. And I don't truly believe it. But I truly feel it.

I didn't want to say it. I tried to not say it. But, after a long time of thinking it (probably longer than I want to admit), I was pushed into giving it voice.

It hurt me to say it. It broke my heart to say it. But I did not cry. I've cried too much about it already.

I think it hurt to hear it, too. He didn't cry, either. He's cried too much, too. It made him think, though. I know he's heard it before, from people he used to know. But I think he's changed enough since that time that he really heard it this time.

I don't know what happens next; what changes, if anything changes. The changes aren't mine to make.

But it's out there. And it's good that it's out there, I think. Or at least it will be, at some point.

Today has progressed just like any other Sunday, aside from a slightly teary moment this morning. Cookies are in the oven. Soup is on the stove.

We're moving forward. Again.

7 comments:

Lyndsay said...

((hugs)) for you my friend.

InTheFastLane said...

But you are moving forward...and that is important. Sometimes it has to be said. Sometimes I leave too much unsaid. Hang in there.

Corinne said...

Those difficult, tear filled moments are so necessary, though not fun...
Thank goodness for the forward motion.

Anonymous said...

It may seem like any other Sunday. But for me it wasn't.

Jade @ Tasting Grace said...

Sending thoughts to you. And hugs.

~L said...

I'm also struggling with putting voice to thoughts. I appreciate your feelings and I congratulate you for walking forward. Breathe.
peace,
~L

Stillmary said...

After 42 years of marriage, I think honesty can be painful but is important so that forward movement can happen.