Sunday, April 10, 2011

so I turned myself to face me

When it comes to my hair, I will try just about any cut or any color.

That is about the limit of my comfort with changes.

I am a creature of habit. Change makes me nervous. It's just so unknown. More than one night I've sat awake wondering, worrying, about how things could/might/need to/should/are going to change.

And yet, one of my favorite quotes is "Be the change you wish to see in the world." (Gandhi said that.)

I've always taken that to me the whole, wide world. As in, do what you can to make the world better. And I've always tried to do that, nervousness or not.

But lately, I've kind of turned that phrase inward. It occurred to me that "the world" is also my world; as in my life. And if my world is going to change, I'm going to need to be the one to do it. And it needs to change. And that makes me so, so, so nervous. Even as I make decisions and choices that I hope will bring changes, I am nervous.

So when the nervousness sets in, I've taken to saying "be the change" to myself. Somehow, that helps. Somehow, that little phrase reminds me that it's still me, and it's still my life, and I'm not actually going to change who I am, but that the changes will serve to make my world a better place, and maybe even make me a little better, too, which will, in turn, make me more useful to the world around me. How those three words do all that, I'm not sure. But they do.

Hubby brought home a ring for me not so long ago. It's just a simple silver band, inscribed with the words "Be the change you wish to see in the world." A beautiful, ever-present reminder.

Be the change. I'm trying. Every day.


Jade @ Tasting Grace said...

I love this post. I love your insight.

Right after I saw your post in my reader, the very next one in my reader posted this quote: "Change is the essence of life; be willing to surrender who you are for what you could become." - unknown

One of my very very good friends is going through a difficult time: hates his job, can't find a woman worth settling down with, dreams of adventure, but just.can't.get.there. I've often had a similar conversation with him where we talk about how he has all these dreams, but he's too afraid to go for them. He ends up choosing the life he knows (even if it's crap) than going for something more because there is uncertainty in the leap. What I wish for him most is the courage to try, because what I want for him least is regrets. I want him to learn to let go: to not cling to things as they are now just because that's what he knows - especially not if they're total crap. I keep hoping he will reach a point where he says enough is enough and he's tired of clinging to crap - that any alternative is better than that.

(Of course, now that I type that all out, I see an area or two in my life where I need to heed my own advice.)

I don't know the details of your situation, but I know what helped me and Toby when we decided to come to Thailand was this: Nothing is permanent. Change is inevitable and all things have the potential to change. If we try this now and it doesn't work out, we can always try something else. And just keep trying new things until we make it work. Does that lessen your fears at all? I hope it helps.

Lyndsay said...

"I cannot tell a lie
It's not all cherry pie
But it's all there waiting for you
Yeah you"

InTheFastLane said...

I love this. And I love the ring. And I have been working on change in my life and have found it very freeing.