really and truly.
i can't give a clear reason why. i can't point to any one thing that made the past two months extra awful. there really wasn't anything terribly different than other months.
perhaps it was the combined weight of a dozen other, smaller things from months past, things that just can't seem to get sorted out, and they just built up and built up until the weight was crushing.
i don't know.
but that's just how it was.
it was a struggle each day. to get out of bed. to make a path from one end of the day to the other. to do anything that wasn't absolutely necessary. to play nice. to smile. to run. to be me.
hubby and i laughed out loud (in a sarcastic/bitter way) the day this showed up on the calendar.
(we left it on the fridge. as a reminder.)
it seemed almost fitting that i would end the month of february sicker than i've been in years. kind of like one last "ha!"
then i turned the calendar page.
i brushed off the cobwebs. took out the hibiscus tea. hung up a training plan. registered for spring races. hunted up the spring detox grocery list. unpacked the bunnies.
i started to look for silver linings.
i've gotten as far as "being hideously sick for a week gave me two days off work and allowed me to read two books and watch two movies."
it's a start. and it's more than i've been able to muster in awhile.
because a page turned.
and it's time (finally, thankfully) to march forward.