Monday, September 17, 2012

a hypothetical destination

fall is coming.  i can feel it. 

birds are massing.  leaves are slowly starting to dry and tumble.  nights are getting cooler.  it was 46 degrees when i woke up this morning.

i took out sparkly plastic gourds and pumpkins today.  and i took the "last stage" asics out of the box.

a training cycle is coming to an end.  that's a sure sign of fall, too.

but this fall, this cycle, some hard decisions will have to be made.

really, i suppose, the decisions themselves are easy.  i know the answers.  i know what i need to do. i know what my body is telling me.  it's not the decision that will be hard.

it's the emotional fallout that will be hard.


i guess i'm not so sure just how i feel.  i expected to be devastated. i've known since the beginning, way back in june, that there was every likelihood that plans would have to change right at the end. and i figured that if that were to happen, i would be crushed.

but now that i'm facing the moment of truth, i'm not feeling so devastated.  or crushed.  or even sad, really.

i'm not quite sure what to call it.  i'll have to think on that.

i just know that right now i have to listen to what my body is telling me.  i have to know what it can handle at this point in time.

i am not young anymore.  what was easy at 20 (or even 30) is not so easy at 37.  i can't possibly count all the miles on me.  and i can't possibly count all the miles i have yet to cover. (i'm only 37 after all.)

so i have no desire to push for something that is probably unrealistic right now.  it might not always be unrealistic, but right now... probably.

i'd really rather change my plans and be able to enjoy doing what i love so much, not dig in my heels and be in pain and misery doing what i love so much.

i guess what i'm feeling is happy.

because it's fall.  and a training cycle is coming to an end. and new running shoes are out of the box.  and however plans shift or change, the end result is me doing something i love.

(stride on)

you capture


Pieni Lintu said...

Great shots!

Lyndsay said...

It sounds like acceptance.


(enjoy your season)

InTheFastLane said...

What a really hard decision.
Although you are right, sometimes it is not really a decision at all but an acceptance.

But, I feel for you. And I hope that if you have to make that decision, that you can find something that gives you as much as running has and as much as you have given running.

Barb said...

There is change in the air isn't there? It's not always easy and it's not always exciting, but if "the end result is doing something you love" then that is something worth shifting and changing. Good luck - no matter how you end up moving through this season of change. Stride on indeed.

Stillmary said...

I loved your insightful post and the flowers I found in your images.

edenhills said...

Beautiful reflective post. The shortening of the days does lend itself to turn inward at what we really want and need.