i have friends.
really. i do.
i don't necessarily see them very often, especially when i'm working. but i have them. and i love them.
but i don't have a group of friends.
like, a cohesive group of friends. who all have something that binds them together, like work or kids or running or macrame. who all hang out together. who all go and do things together.
i don't have a group like that.
i have friends. and my friends all have groups of friends. and i sometimes do things with my friends. and they tell me stories about things they did with their groups of friends. but i'm not actually a part of any of my friends' groups of friends. (maybe i should make a flow chart?)
i'm kind of a loner.
and usually i'm good with that. i guess it sort of fits my solitary nature; my shyness.
(i mean, usually when i find myself in a large group of people, i'm the one who's not talking; who's trying to blend into the wall or the pavement or whatever is nearby.)
except sometimes i think i might be missing out. sometimes i wonder if it maybe bothers me a little, this not having a group of friends.
and sometimes i wonder if it's possible for me to find a group of friends, or join a group of friends.
then i realize that i have no idea how to do such a thing. and that i'd probably have to go back in time, and maybe change everything about me, in order to have a group of friends today.
and it seems pretty unlikely that such a thing is going to happen.
i guess i'll continue to do things with my individual friends sometimes, and be grateful to have them in my life.
and sometimes, just sometimes, i'll wonder what that group thing would be like.