really. i do.
i don't necessarily see them very often, especially when i'm working. but i have them. and i love them.
but i don't have a group of friends.
like, a cohesive group of friends. who all have something that binds them together, like work or kids or running or macrame. who all hang out together. who all go and do things together.
i don't have a group like that.
i have friends. and my friends all have groups of friends. and i sometimes do things with my friends. and they tell me stories about things they did with their groups of friends. but i'm not actually a part of any of my friends' groups of friends. (maybe i should make a flow chart?)
i'm kind of a loner.
and usually i'm good with that. i guess it sort of fits my solitary nature; my shyness.
(i mean, usually when i find myself in a large group of people, i'm the one who's not talking; who's trying to blend into the wall or the pavement or whatever is nearby.)
except sometimes i think i might be missing out. sometimes i wonder if it maybe bothers me a little, this not having a group of friends.
and sometimes i wonder if it's possible for me to find a group of friends, or join a group of friends.
then i realize that i have no idea how to do such a thing. and that i'd probably have to go back in time, and maybe change everything about me, in order to have a group of friends today.
and it seems pretty unlikely that such a thing is going to happen.
so.
i guess i'll continue to do things with my individual friends sometimes, and be grateful to have them in my life.
and sometimes, just sometimes, i'll wonder what that group thing would be like.
3 comments:
I have to tell you that I'm a loner too. I've usually found a group of friends by default because I get included into a group by one of my friends...but over the last two years when almost all of those "friends" and that group turned their back on me? Makes me appreciate the fact that I'm ok being a loner. :)
Sometimes my friends make me do things with them. But most of the time, I am just happy to do my own thing, with my family. But, I get this, because sometimes I see all these groups doing things together and I wonder if I am missing out. But, probably not. More than likely in that group there is drama and gossip and all those middle school things that I hate. So I will just be happy with what I've got.
I have a group of friends. But I sort of sit on the periphery of it. The rest of them see each other more frequently, their husbands hang out with each other, their children take gymnastics together. I'm there for the bigger things - the twice a year dinners, the birthday parties, the times like early this morning when one of their dad's dies suddenly (this week, I tell you... it's not being kind). But I'm not the one any of them would ever call just to chat.
And at times it makes me sad. I see their easy conversations, the famiarity the all have with each other. They might ask each other - hey how was that new tea your mother in law brought you last Thursday? But with 4/5 of them, to me it's like - hey, how's work? Because they just don't know all the details, y'know?
So yeah.
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