Wednesday, April 14, 2010

A post about boobs. Or proportion. Or my neurosis.

I can't remember a day where I looked at my reflection and was really satisfied (happy?) with the image staring back at me.

Because I am proportionally challenged.

See, my breasts are small. Like, small. Seriously. An "a" cup is too big. I need some type of couch cushion foam sewn into a bra cup to make it look like there's anything there. Because really, there isn't.

And that wouldn't be so bad if my top half matched my bottom half. But my bottom half is round. Like, round. Hips, bum, thighs, tummy. The whole round package.

So there is nothing on top and everything on the bottom.

And pretty much every day, to some degree, I dislike how I look because of my utter lack of proportionality. I feel so self-conscious on a daily basis. I feel very inadequate.

I know women come in all shapes and sizes, but I really don't see a lot of them out there that have a shape like me. And usually, I think they all - big, small, in-between - look a whole lot better than me. Because they're all balanced.

And, I have to say, I've spent lots of (okay, too much) time thinking about this. And I really don't think it's the small boobs that bother me. It's the lack of proportion. The "big bottom, tiny top." I often think I'd be happier with either the same boobs and a smaller bottom half, or the same bottom half and bigger boobs. At least then, with either of those options, I'd match.

I have tried (and tried) to accept myself just like this; told myself repeatedly that this is how God made me and all of that. That I'm a good person on the inside, and that's what really counts. But it just doesn't work. I have some good days in there, but over all, it just doesn't work.

My tiny bust and big bottom make me feel totally self-conscious, really not girly. Unpretty. And I'm starting to think there's nothing I can do about that.

Why do I bring this up today? I don't know. I guess I'm just complaining. I guess I feel extra self-conscious. I guess it's just one of those days.

I'll stop now. Because I know this is so silly and pointless and shallow. But sometimes, I just can't help it.


InTheFastLane said...

I don't mind the small boobs (hello AA) and I am ok with my legs and hips and but, but I really do have issues with my non existent waist. It is where all my "extra" goes. Are any of us really happy when we look in the mirror?

Jade @ Tasting Grace said...

Oh, looking at ourselves in the mirror and liking what we see is something I think almost all of us struggle with. It is so hard sometimes. I'm sorry you're feeling down.

If it helps, I read recently that pelvises come in 4 different shapes, and the one that produces wider hips (and a tendency to gain weight around the thighs as opposed to the stomach) is the one that is most conducive to easy childbirth! Of course, if you're not planning or are unable to conceive, I suppose that would be small comfort. But that body shape is also less susceptible to problems with heart disease than an apple-shaped body is! So biologically speaking, it's a good one to have! :)

Trying to focus on the positives here...

Speaking of which, I think we have a tendency to focus on the negatives and all the parts we don't like - which tends to blind us to other parts that ARE beautiful: like our eyes, or our smile, a cute nose, soft skin, or shiny hair. Beautiful hands or cute feet, a sweet scent or a musical laugh. All of these things can be beautiful and are just as important - or arbitrary - as hips and boobs.

And when all else fails, sometimes pampering yourself with a facial or a luxurious bath or something like that can help you feel pretty too! I hope you feel pretty soon! *HUGS*

Anonymous said...

I hear you, oh, yes, I do. And I admire your honesty and courage for being able to post these words.

Lyndsay said...

All I have to say is - thank goodness for mix and match bathing suits. I can't ever find a same-size top and bottom that fit me. So you aren't alone!