Sunday, January 25, 2009


I'm having a nice little freak out these days. I'm admittedly a hypochondriac. I know I am. But at what point am I just being a hyper hypo, and at what point should I actually be freaking out?

All of my digestive stuff started a few years ago. And at that time I went though all the stuff to figure out what's wrong, and nothing came up. And I get the blood screening thing every year, and it's always been normal. But does that really mean anything?

I started acupuncture in the fall, and they tell you right off that you could have "healing reactions." They give you a big list of all the things that could happen, and that they could happen at any point during your treatment. Well, I had them right off the bat. But, again, how do I know the difference between a healing reaction and a problem? No one at the clinic seems particularly worried when I tell them things that are happening. Is that good? Or do they just not really know what to say because it's not right at all?

And, honestly, the acupuncture has help A LOT. For quite awhile I was doing so much better, feeling so much better. But then lately, it's like I've taken a big step backward. So, again, what's "normal" and at what point do I need to worry for real?

Now, here's the other thing. Stress. How much of a factor does that play in to everything? Because I seem to have a lot of it. All the time. Like, my shoulders seem to be permanently attached to my ears. And I'm a worrier on top of it. So there's the normal stress of life that everyone has. And then there's all the extra stress I add in myself because I worry about everything all the time. You know, things like being terrified to go to the doctor because I don't what to find out anything bad. Or why my hips have these awful bulge things on the sides and is everyone staring at them in disgust. Or what if someone in my house winds up out of a job? How will we manage? Or? Or? Or? Or?

So what do I do about all of this? I do yoga daily. I do meditation almost every day, too. I do breathing exercises multiple times a day. And I'm still a huge freaking mess. So what do I do? Countless people have told me that I just have to relax and not let things bother me. Okay, so, I know that. BUT HOW? That's the question I most need an answer to. Besides at what point should I truly freak out because I'm dying.

1 comment:

Bacardi Mama said...

You are so good at this. You make me very proud.