Monday, April 20, 2009

Not So Fine Today

So, I’m a believer that things happen for a reason. I think I’ve said that before. But sometimes I just really, really, really, really want to know the reason, you know?

I have a pretty big goal race coming up next weekend. And as of yesterday, my knee is swollen and aching. I’ve had bad knees for years from, you know, running. Aching is nothing new, especially in wet weather. But to be pained and swollen? Why?

Because, I’m me. So I start to wonder, what did I do wrong that I am being punished for? Why am I being karmically gotten back at? I mean, I must have done something wrong. Right? Was it the accident with the chocolate chips yesterday? Because I swear I didn’t really mean to eat that many! It just happened! And wasn’t the digestive distress it caused me enough payback? Have I just been eating too much sugar in general? Have I been overly lazy? Not holding up my end of the deal of life? Have I just been a bad person lately? Extra negative or worrisome or annoying or mean? I’d like some specifics; to know what I did do and what to do so that the universe doesn’t conspire against me anymore.

Or, do I need to look at it differently; say that it’s a good thing that I didn’t go for another trip to Boston (because I could have gone this year, too) because how bad would that have sucked to have my knee a mess for that? Or that I’ve had a few good years in a row and that’s how the pendulum swings? Or that for whatever reason, it’s time to not be running so much?

But really, my race next week is important to me. I want to do well. Not just run. Do well.

And I love running. What ELSE would I do?

Because I just want my knee to be fine again. Like a normal knee size. I just want to be able to run next week.

Really, I just want to be fine. Overall fine. Nothing wrong or not working or broken or sick. Just fine.

Oh, I’m just wallowing now. I’ll stop. Anyway, my tea’s getting cold.

I'll think of something positive to say. Really.


Bacardi Mama said...

Oh honey, you have punished your poor little body for so many years, I think that sometimes it just has to rebel. Just relax, rest your knee and maybe it will all be fine for the race. It has nothing to do with karma or anything you did or didn't do and I think that down deep, you really know that. And....thanks for telling your old mom that you qualified for Boston again! Congratulations!!

Anonymous said...

nah - you're a good person, this is just nature's way of saying 'you're so great, you deserve a break!'.

Pokey said...

Some people rest when they are supposed to. Some people need a gentle reminder that they need rest. You apparently needed a gigantic smack down in order to rest. :) Resting is ok. You will be ok. Read some books, drink some tea, maybe even take a nap during the daytime. I promise you will be ok.