Monday, April 13, 2009

This Moment

I have this habit of living then. Or later. But not now. A lot of it is filled with worry about what has happened. Or what didn't happen. Or what could happen. Or what might happen. Or what might not happen. Or fretting about what I did do. Or what I didn't do. Or what I could have done. Or what I shouldn't have done. I don't spend a lot of time looking at what IS. What I AM doing. So I'm trying to change that.

I making a concerted effort to not look back or forward any more than is necessary. I'm trying to live RIGHT NOW. It's hard. Especially when you're a worrier like me. I'm constantly nervous about everything, which leads to a lot of "what ifs." I'm working to change that to "what is." Looking at this moment. Right now. What's going on right now. What is good right now. What should I be thankful for right now.

I noticed that this past weekend, I consciously decided, very soon after waking, that it was a good day. It was easy to do. The sun was shining. It was a weekend. I was going to do some yoga then go run. I was doing things I wanted to do. I was relaxed. My internal systems were working well. It was easy to see what was good. I liked that.

Back to work, that wasn't so easy. It was sort of hard to see what was good in the moment when it felt like there were five thousand demands from last week and next week and then and later following me around. But I still made the effort. I tried to not be upset about things I could have done or didn't do or couldn't change or couldn't control. I (mostly) looked for what I could enjoy in the moment. It didn't work all day long, but it did a little bit. It's a work in progress. It helped that the option of chocolate has returned to my life.

Thoreau said we are rich in proportion to the number of things we can afford to let alone. I do pretty good with that externally. Now I need to work on letting things alone internally, too.


Bacardi Mama said...

What a great post. This is something we should all learn to do. Love you!

InTheFastLane said...

I look like I am not worrying...but i am. It is part of the reason that I keep myself busy, so i don't have that down time to stop and have that feeling in the pit of my stomach that there is something i should be worrying about.

And YEAH for chocolate.

mommy boo of two said...

You and I are so much alike in that sense, sis. Between the girls and husband's job blah blah blah blah blah blah.....and that's just the beginning. If you can do I'll do it :)

ShowSomeLovin said...

one thing at a time :)the past and present don't exist, just right now does - that helps me when my ego gets in the way .. the ego by the way is not real either - you are aware of your thinking and on the right track! good for you! and hope you stay consistent! i'm rooting for you!