Sunday, May 16, 2010

Round and round and round we go. Except I've got to stop now.

So, I know this is a vicious circle.

I have digestive issues. They are made worse by stress. And certain foods. Like, um, sugar.

And when I'm under lots of stress, like, um, now, what do I do?


Eat sugar.

And not just one cookies or anything innocent like that. I eat sugar, in its many varied forms, like they're going to quit making it so I'd better eat as much as I can right now because I might never be able to have it again. (Which is a joke, because I'll have more in about an hour when the next stupidly stressful thing happens.)

So then I'm just a mess. I'm already stressed, and the digestive issues are flaring up because of that. And then I eat the sugar, which makes the digestive issues worse, which increases my stress, and you see how the cycle works. And I'm a mess because I made myself a mess. Because no one made me eat that sugar. I did it all by myself.

But, at the same time, it feels kind of uncontrollable. You know? Like it's some weird primal urge that must be satisfied.

And I don't buy it. Sugar that is. When I'm grocery shopping, I don't buy cookies or ice cream or candy or stuff like that. But somehow when the stress hits, I manage to find a sugar fix. (Okay, so it's usually by driving or walking to some kind of store and buying chocolate/ice cream/cookies. Or walking down to Work Friend's classroom and eating her chocolate. But still.)

How does this happen? Why do I let it? How do I make it stop?

Yes, technically I know the answers to those questions. This happens due to stress, and I've always been a big stress ball, like, my whole life. And I let the sugar thing happen because, um, I'm weak and think that the sugar will make it all better (even though I know that really it won't). And I stop by,um, not doing it anymore.

But it's so hard to not! I'm stressed! I need something to make it better!

If I was one of those people who could go for a run on their lunch hour, I don't think I'd have this problem. But I'm not. I don't have that kind of time.

But... I do have time for a walk. So that's what I'm going to try. Because the next three weeks? Oh, they will make the stress of the last month seem like sunshine and rainbows.

So I'm hoping that grabbing my ipod and walking out of work and down the sidewalk and breathing in some fresh air in the middle of the day will be the cure all that I need it to be.

Because, sugar, I love you. But, for awhile at least, we're on a break.

(Ohmygosh how can I break up with sugar right when I need it most! Oh, this could get interesting....)


InTheFastLane said...

I wish you luck. I would not be good at that either. My digestive issues seem to have more to do with meat. And my husband loves meat. It becomes a problem. But at least, meat doesn't just randomly show up in my office when I am stressed :)

And really? You have never been to the market? Later in the summer there will be more favorite part.

Bacardi Mama said...

I used to walk during my lunch a few years back and it was a huge stress reliever. Hope it works for you too. Love you!

Heidi said...

Sending luck and positive thoughts. I often find walking and fresh air can make me feel better, and the right music. There are certain songs that can always make me smile.

Heart2Heart said...

I know that once you get over the hurdle of having to have sugar, you won't miss it at all. I love the idea of you taking a walk and enjoying the music of your Ipod. This is a perfect way to get that stress out.

Love and Hugs ~ Kat

Jade @ Tasting Grace said...

Oh man, I'm familiar with such a cycle. No bueno. I wish you lots of luck on your temporary breakup with sugar and I hope the walks help!

Stillmary said...

Why or why do the things we love have to be bad for us. It's just not right. Maybe a lot of your digestive issues have more to do with stress than anything else. I guess a temporary breakup with sugar will give you some answers. Take the walks, enjoy the weather, relieve the stress.