Saturday, August 28, 2010

give you everything I've got for little peace of mind

So. I don't even know. It's just crazy.

A new schedule has been established. Every single minute of each week day is planned. And it's pretty much a sprint from the time the alarm goes off (3:40 am) until I lay back down in bed in the evening (hypothetically 8:00, but that hasn't happened yet).

(And, let's face it, the weekend is just when the house has to be cleaned and the laundry has to be done and the errands have to be run because there isn't a spare second for it during the week.)

I hate the schedule. I don't want the schedule. My body is having a very, very difficult time adjusting to the schedule.

The schedule is a necessary evil.

I don't think I would mind nearly so much if there was something in the middle that made me feel full.

But there kind of isn't.

So.

Yesterday at one of my favorite cafes, the owner said to me "we'll open up our own bakery cafe together." I so wanted her to not be joking.

I miss feeling good. I miss being happy. You know, like, consistently. Like, for longer than it takes to eat a brownie.

In the mean time....

I'm drinking tea. I'm trying to not self-medicate with sugar. I might have cried myself to sleep once or twice.

I'm trying.

I'm breathing in. I'm breathing out.

And the dust will settle.

Eventually.

5 comments:

Corinne said...

3:40??? Oh honey...
Keep breathing.

InTheFastLane said...

Oh I hear you....
And do you ever wonder, if we were really made to have every waking moment filled with much that we would rather not be doing?

Lyndsay said...

I hate this for you.

I agree with Sarah - it's just not how we are meant to operate.

If I could come and do your laundry and errands and clean your house I would.

And for the record, if I had to wake up at 340 every day I would probably be self medicating with vodka so good for you with the tea.

xo.

~L said...

I heart YOU!
eat chocolate with your tea and listen to U2 in the car...that helps me sometimes.
peace and prayers,
~L

Jade said...

Thinking about you. Hope you're getting along okay.
<3
J