Saturday, August 1, 2009

Stupid Slithering Snake

So, Hubby and I are walking out the door yesterday, and as I step on to the porch, I see a box with a long metal rod sticking out of it. Hubby stops behind me and says "Oh, yeah. I was going to tell you about that."

I instantly know that a) this is about the evil demon snake, and b) it is not good.

He continues, "The snake can't get into the house, but..."

At this point I feel the need to stop him, because this is a sentence that does not need a conjunction. It just needs some end punctuation. As in "The snake can't get into the house PERIOD." It would be even better if it was "The snake is gone and will never bother you again PERIOD."

But... He insists on the conjunction. "The snake can't get into the house, but it's crawling up UNDER THE SIDING. But just because it's cooler there. So he can cool off."

And he says this all calm. Like it's okay that our house is Satan's little air conditioner. Like it's just fine that Voldemort uses our siding for a little breather in his day.

Um. No-no. No-no. No-no. No-no.

This is not okay. This is not fine.

A stop must be put to this.

And Hubby (Who actually LIKES snakes... How is that even possible?) tells me he tried to get Kaa out. However, he failed at that time. I have charged him with the task of NOT failing at Basilisk removal, with a timeline of ASAP.

Then, as I was returning from my run this morning, I encountered Sir Hiss slithering (ICK!) across the road in front of the house.

Why did the snake cross the road?

TO GET THE HELL OUT OF MY YARD!

(Oh, pleeeeease just stay gone! I know the woods across the street has GOT to be better for a snake to hang out in. Definitely better than under my siding!)

6 comments:

Bacardi Mama said...

I don't know what to say. I hate snakes too. Tell hubby to get it in gear and catch the damn snake. Oh, I don't expect to be stopping ove runtil I here of your little friends demise. But I do love you!

ShowSomeLovin said...

i like the all the snake nicknames you came up with :) really hilarious when you called him Voldemort, very appropriate

Heart2Heart said...

Ummm did you jump in your car and attempt to back over it a bunch of times, ignoring that small speed bump kind of sound????

I think what you were looking for from hubby wasn't so much the period but a huge exclamation point at the end of that confirmation statement that the snake can not get in your house.

Praying that Sir Hiss has gone looking for a mate and decides to leave your home for good!!!!!

Love and Hugs ~ Kat

mommy boo of two said...

Hopefully that bastard stays the hell out of your siding!!! You could remove your siding :) Or super glue it down. That's what I would do. I, too, love all of your names for the snake.

InTheFastLane said...

That would creep me out. But, it is a funny story...not laughing at you, really, because I don't want that snake coming my way :)

Sharon - Mom Generations said...

I think I would scream. Then faint. Then sell my house. I'm THAT serious about my fear of snakes...!