Monday, February 1, 2010

Invincible? Um....

I've accomplished some things in my life that have felt significant to me, that have made me proud or made me feel like I really, truly did something. Lots of things, both personal and professional. But I don't know that I've ever really felt invincible. Empowered? Maybe. But only in my head (or my heart).

Part of that is just me; just how I am. Who I am. I'm quiet. I don't tend to put much importance on the things I do. I'm not sure I ever have. They mean something to me, yes. Usually a great deal. They may, at times, be helpful or meaningful to others, sure. But I don't feel that I'm doing anything of earth shaking importance. I'm just a girl. I set goals. I accomplish them. I move on. (Or if I don't accomplish them, I dwell endlessly on it, but that's for some other time.) Preferably without fanfare.

Another part is, I think, kind of reactionary. I've found myself, by circumstance or life or something, around a lot of people who have a very high level of self-importance, a lot of "look at me." More than their fair share. And I've tended to find that a bit off-putting. And I don't want to be that girl. The one who does something and then needs everyoneeverywhere to tell her how great she is for doing it. The one who makes me wonder what their motivation was in the first place - doing something or getting credit for doing something? I know a lot of that girl (or guy). I don't really like her (or him) so much.

Also, there have been people around me who, I guess, don't like how I am. Like, as a person. Or maybe they don't like how I do things. Or maybe they don't like how I acknowledge (or don't acknowledge) my self. I'm not sure. Maybe they wish I was slightly different. More like them, maybe? I don't know. But it seems that when I do or achieve something, they try to make it part theirs, or something like that. To change it into something else. Almost like they need to impose their idea of how I should react, or what I should want or think or feel or like or do. You know, rather than just respect how I am, or how I regard my own accomplishments, or how I live my own life.

So it just becomes easier to not share things I do with too many others. Which goes back to the first point of reaching goals then moving on. It's odd, I guess, that there are things I've done, of which I am very proud, and very few people even know about it. I'll chatter about silly day-to-day things, sure. Give my opinions, no problem. But big stuff? (At least, big to me.) Not so much.

That's me, though, I suppose. This odd mix of quiet and driven. Who works really hard to meet the goals I set for myself, then doesn't mention it to anyone. But that's what works for me. Maybe that will change someday. But not today. And maybe that's a little bit empowering all by itself. (Just don't tell anyone, okay?)

Tell It to Me Tuesdays


Jade @ Tasting Grace said...

What you have sounds a lot like modesty and I think that is sometimes an under-valued trait to have (in this country at least). I don't think empowerment has to be loud, it doesn't need a lot of fanfare, nor does it even need external recognition. Sometimes it is the subtler forces in life that are the most important. Storms can be flashy but they boom and pass. But rivers quietly carve and mold the land, ultimately leaving the greater impact.

Empowerment is not about who sees and hears you, it's about how you feel about yourself. It's about you standing tall, not necessarily standing loud. And it sounds like that is something you've got.

But it'll be our little secret. ;)

Lyndsay said...

Um... what Jade said...

because that's what I would have WANTED to say, but would never have been able to say it so well.

so, what she said. To you. From me. Too.

Alright then.

Heart2Heart said...

I love your post today! It sounds like a lot of us out there, afraid to toot our own proverbial horns so to speak! I think it's worth wild to set goals and then accomplish them. It gives you a sense that you are making an impact in your own life and not simply sitting back and enjoying the ride.

You're living life!

Love and Hugs ~ Kat

Stacia said...

And that's why there's chocolate, to help us quietly celebrate our own accomplishments and to give us comfort when we need it. =>

I'm curious, though, what are you most proud of??

Corinne said...

I can appreciate all of that. You sound like a wonderful person to me, someone who I would be proud to know.
And I agree w/ Stacia - that's why there's chocolate ;)

InTheFastLane said...

I hear you. And I feel this. And i have a hard time tooting my own horn, even when I should. But, really, I like people who are more modest.

Kirsten said...

In my mind being empowered or having the feeling invincibility doesn't mean that others recognize it. It just means that you had that feeling. Embrace it when you reach your goals!