I've accomplished some things in my life that have felt significant to me, that have made me proud or made me feel like I really, truly did something. Lots of things, both personal and professional. But I don't know that I've ever really felt invincible. Empowered? Maybe. But only in my head (or my heart).
Part of that is just me; just how I am. Who I am. I'm quiet. I don't tend to put much importance on the things I do. I'm not sure I ever have. They mean something to me, yes. Usually a great deal. They may, at times, be helpful or meaningful to others, sure. But I don't feel that I'm doing anything of earth shaking importance. I'm just a girl. I set goals. I accomplish them. I move on. (Or if I don't accomplish them, I dwell endlessly on it, but that's for some other time.) Preferably without fanfare.
Another part is, I think, kind of reactionary. I've found myself, by circumstance or life or something, around a lot of people who have a very high level of self-importance, a lot of "look at me." More than their fair share. And I've tended to find that a bit off-putting. And I don't want to be that girl. The one who does something and then needs everyoneeverywhere to tell her how great she is for doing it. The one who makes me wonder what their motivation was in the first place - doing something or getting credit for doing something? I know a lot of that girl (or guy). I don't really like her (or him) so much.
Also, there have been people around me who, I guess, don't like how I am. Like, as a person. Or maybe they don't like how I do things. Or maybe they don't like how I acknowledge (or don't acknowledge) my self. I'm not sure. Maybe they wish I was slightly different. More like them, maybe? I don't know. But it seems that when I do or achieve something, they try to make it part theirs, or something like that. To change it into something else. Almost like they need to impose their idea of how I should react, or what I should want or think or feel or like or do. You know, rather than just respect how I am, or how I regard my own accomplishments, or how I live my own life.
So it just becomes easier to not share things I do with too many others. Which goes back to the first point of reaching goals then moving on. It's odd, I guess, that there are things I've done, of which I am very proud, and very few people even know about it. I'll chatter about silly day-to-day things, sure. Give my opinions, no problem. But big stuff? (At least, big to me.) Not so much.
That's me, though, I suppose. This odd mix of quiet and driven. Who works really hard to meet the goals I set for myself, then doesn't mention it to anyone. But that's what works for me. Maybe that will change someday. But not today. And maybe that's a little bit empowering all by itself. (Just don't tell anyone, okay?)
Tell It to Me Tuesdays